As I sit here in my darkened house, all are snoozing and off to dreamland but me and the wee baby. The baby inside is kicking, an experience I feel so thankful to be having. Redemption.
You see, after giving birth the last time to Annika just about four years ago, we thought that was going to be the last pregnancy and child from my womb for us. Not because we didn't want more children, more because my health took a nosedive after the pregnancy and birth (which were perfect and healthy.) After two years of battling with all sorts of health issues, seeing loads of doctors and even a cardiologist, I was finally diagnosed with severe vitamin D deficiency and hypothyroidism, which wasn't so severe, but affected me greatly nonetheless. Why was this seemingly simple problem not diagnosed earlier? You got me! But I didn't care, I was extremely thankful to have an answer. A plan. Some hope. Plus, add in a fixed back/neck after years of pain and struggling to find a fix after a bad car accident in my teens. Hope.
There were moments in those two years following Annika's birth, that I was sure that one of my children would find me no longer breathing in my bed in the morning. That one night, my heart would simply stop, and I'd be swept into eternity. Horrible, I know (not the eternity part, the child finding me part) One of the signs of low vitamin D is panic/anxiety attacks. I didn't know at the time, but that's what it was. I thought panic and anxiety disorders were something that, well.... more unstable folks dealt with. I just didn't understand it produced real physical symptoms and real mental feelings. And boy did I have nearly every symptom in the book. And the clincher was that those years of misery (for all of us) could be caused by something so fixable. Vitamin D! I know I've said this before, but I love you, Vitamin D!!! (If you're curious, I take 50,000iu twice a week to maintain a good, normal number... mine was just checked - perfect!)
It's been a while since I've written about this, and if you're new to a blog of mine, maybe you've never heard, but God led me to an amazing nurse practitioner that truly understands women's health. I'm so thankful. She's one of the people, like my midwife, that when I see her, I want to run and tackle her down with a huge grateful hug. But I don't.
Anyways, she's fixed up all of my health issues. I have none to speak of at the moment. What a miracle.
Getting back to the redemption. God immediately put adoption on our hearts when baby Annika hadn't even celebrated her first birthday - so we thought we'd adopt the rest the children God had planned for us. That felt like redemption too. (There's soooo much more to say on adoption, but that'll come on a later day...)
Jump back to one and a half years ago, when Gabrielle was just a few months old. I had mega baby fever like I did the entire time we were in process to adopt Gabi, or at least I hoped beyond hope that God would see us through and that a baby would actually end up in our family through adoption. Well, a baby we received!! Simply miraculous. And after a couple months after her arrival, I'd explain my lingering baby fever to Jeremy, and he'd shake his head quizzically and say, "Ummmm... but we
have a baby!"
I'd laugh and say that I didn't know what it was, but that I had the feeling there was something else we should be doing.... so fast forward (much more of a story that I'll share later) nine months, and enter nine month old Levi. Amazing. Another baby in exactly one year's time, delivered to us
again in June.
Aha! I thought, that's the explanation for the baby fever! Levi was in the works, and God was preparing my heart. Fast forward a little further, like weeks further.
More baby fever. What in the world???
Now it was getting funny. We now had
two babies. Four months apart babies. Adorable, but oh-so-busy-babies.
I told Jeremy about my continued baby fever... and told him that I kept getting the feeling (
he knows those "feelings" oh too well) that we should think and pray about another pregnancy. We both knew that I was now healthy and feeling great, and that we'd probably adopt again down the road. Like
way down the road. That was our thought on the subject anyways. But God kept giving me little bits of insight into the way he sees our family. And I kept asking, "Really??" But also started getting really excited about the prospect.
{If you haven't, I'd ask God what he wants and already has planned for you and your family. It's a good thing to do. I think so often we think that
our plan for our family has to be the right one just because it's what our sensible (or impatient, selfish, fill-in-the-blank)
selves would prefer.}
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. ~ Ephesians 3:20-21
Jeremy said that he wasn't against another baby through a pregnancy if that's what God wanted. We didn't want to be outside of God's will for us. What Christian does? So he said that he'd pray about it, and get back to me soon. So in the meantime, I started doing some reading. Researching, really. And I found a couple of great articles that confirmed it in my mind. If you're interested, you can read them
HERE and
HERE.
Jeremy did get back to me, and together we decided to start praying for and trying to conceive this baby that we felt God had already birthed in our hearts. Well, you know the rest... I'm in my 18th week of pregnancy, due in June! (The month of special deliveries to us coming up on three Junes in a row!)
photo credit
Redemption. I honestly never could have imagined this a couple years ago. I nearly fainted at the thought of my poor body going through another pregnancy again. God has redeemed my life, and in the middle of that hard couple of years I kept telling God,
"I get it! I've learned what you're trying to teach me! Enough already! I get it, I'm nothing without you!! Save me!" And he did. When the perfect time came, but not from my pleading and begging.
Looking back, I'm truly thankful for that time. Strange.. But I came out on the other side a new believer, wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, a new everything. I don't want the old me back. I am thankful for the now me, who needs ever so much daily refining - but it's a good place to be, because I
know I need Him. I ache to be near Him. To know Him.
And this new little life that kicks and rolls within me, is a special gift straight from Him. And I'm just bubbling with excitement to be pregnant again. (And be in the second trimester - that first one was a doosie!)
