Wednesday, September 21

Seven Weeks Later

I picked up my journal this morning for the first time in three months. Three months ago we were one month away from closing on our home and moving in with my in-laws and then my parents' until we left the state at the start of August. 

Since then, time has both stood still and zoomed by at warp speed. Jeremy has been watching Star Trek Generations re-runs at night, so you'll forgive me for the Trekkie reference. 

I had so many questions the last time I journaled. I still do. Some of them are still valid, others have been answered. 

I was worried it would all be for naught. Would we be made a fool? Are we crazy?

I was worried about snakes and ticks. Still am. I've seen one snake so far (I almost stepped down right next to it) and my family found a dead baby snake in our yard. I can't say I wasn't happy. 

I was worried about school. It was the kind of fear that overtakes when the unknown lurks. It would be our first time having kids (just our elementary ones) in the public school. We wouldn't know where they'd be attending until we found a rental. When would that be? Would it be a good school? Would our kids be okay? Our fears were quieted when we found a beautiful rental just minutes from a fabulous school. We moved in 10 days before school started. Our kids are doing beautifully. God has been so good to us. We've got four kids at school and four kids in school at home. It's been a healthy dynamic. One we haven't had in years. 

Right below where I listed my worries in my journal, I wrote this prayer:

"Jesus, smooth all these details. You are Lord of all and we trust your plan and path for us. We'll follow you anywhere. Make us wise and at peace there." 

Our last few weeks in Alaska were tumultuous times in my heart. I didn't want to have to say goodbye, but it didn't feel right to stay put either. Tears were threatening at every turn. 

Leaving the place we love. The people we love. It was all just too much. 

If we had a direction or exact purpose for our move to North Carolina, maybe it would have been easier to stomach. I don't know. The amazing part is that we did have direction. We did have hope. It was just we weren't putting our hope in anything we could see. I guess that's the best place to put our hope. In Christ alone. 

In the weeks and months leading up to us leaving, God kept inviting me to release my grip. I had been white-knuckling people and places for some time. It was so hard to let go. 

It wasn't that we were untrusting.
We trusted God.

It was that we are human. 

We arrived in North Carolina completely empty. 

Exhausted after months of preparation and weeks of living out of suitcases.
Parenting eight kids through it all.
We had no job.
No home.
No church.
No vehicle.

Just suitcases and togetherness. 
And peace. We had peace. 

We moved forward exploring our new city. We did the next thing. Finding a vehicle was first so we could return our million dollars a day rental van. We had a free place to stay until we found a rental home. It was a beautiful gift during this time. We swam, unwound, relaxed, and settled our hearts for those first two weeks.

We were antsy too. Antsy about housing, antsy about school, and surprisingly un-antsy about a job. 

These weeks later, we still have no job and no church. We've applied for a few jobs and have visited several churches. We'll get there. There's peace there too. 

Jeremy's been working odd jobs a few times a week and he's been woodworking making things to sell. We've been content just being together. It's a luxury we've never been afforded. It can't last forever, but we'll take it.

 Leaping into the great unknown can be so terrifying, can't it?

I'm guessing you can relate. I write all of this as an update of sorts, and also to remind us to keep pressing, keep trusting, and keep hoping.

He's not finished with us yet. Praise God, He's not finished with us yet.

I document our life and times over on Instagram @amanda_baconbits -- I'd love to have you join me there!